I just threw up on my dentist
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'd cum for enchiladas.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
