We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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