I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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