i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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