im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
