Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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