Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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