I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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