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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
