is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Green mimosas i think yes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
