Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
