someone threw a dead crab at me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
