The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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