anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
