I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
