omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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