So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
