$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
