is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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