Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
