fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
