I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize