I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
