So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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