im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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