was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
