Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
