guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
