i just wanna soil my oats bro
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
