Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
