Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
