you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
