This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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