Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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