I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
