i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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