I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
