When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
