he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
