WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize