I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
