There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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