dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
