6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
