Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize