so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
