Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
