Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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