She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
