I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i drank out of a bidet.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
