there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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