do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
