You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
