The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
