Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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