i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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