Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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