You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
