I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
