i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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