so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Houston, we have a blender
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
