i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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