So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At least life still wants to fuck me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
