my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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