I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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