"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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