I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
