I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
