...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
