I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize