Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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