seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
