I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
